Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
MIDGETS
????
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
