i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.