But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit