I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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