My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...