So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
either way he was missing a nipple.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath