I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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