yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
