thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
