I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
