Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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