when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
