He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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