don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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