So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
