you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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