I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
