I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
