I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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