kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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