his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
