Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
