Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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