He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
