your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
