i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
