one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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