sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
