I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
