im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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