I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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