he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
