from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
