I think scott just propositioned me for sex
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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