gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
