when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
