Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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