Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
