the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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