Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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