My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
