life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
