Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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