Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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