Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize