i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
