I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
