I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
