It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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