I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just had sex bonerless
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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