Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
did you just send me my own nude
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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