Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
