last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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