Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
