yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs