are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."