So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
