Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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