Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
