Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
