im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
