I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
