why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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