How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
