The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
