This girl is more easily done than said...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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