I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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