You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
