My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
