Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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