It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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