the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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