it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize