To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
