The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
