he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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