How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
