Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
